Voices in My Head

Jenna over at Stop, Drop and Blog had a great post about internal self-talk. I was struck by the honesty in her post as well as by the fact that many of her voices are so different from mine. This made me think about the root of those voices, how and why they vary. Generational? Jenna is younger than I am. Situational? Dispositional? And so on. (Yes, I spend a great deal of time pondering stuffs).

I will share some of my own voices with you. I hear these daily. They usually start the minute I wake from sleep but often occur in my dreams as well.

  1. You are fat and this means you are ugly.
  2. You are an imposter/poser.
  3. Your daughter will never want to know you. Who would want to?
  4. You are not a good mother to your sons.
  5. You should bake more.
  6. You should cook more for your family.
  7. You should feed your children a better diet.
  8. You should clean your house better/more frequently/differently.
  9. You should exercise.
  10. You should grocery shop regularly and use coupons.
  11. You will never write a book. Do not bother trying. Even if you did who would want to read it let alone publish it?
  12. You are too quiet/anti-social/introverted.
  13. You talk too fast.
  14. You are too candid.You should sugar coat things for people.  Not everyone wants the cold hard truth.
  15. You should try harder with your daughter. Going away as she asked was the wrong thing to do. You left her again. You should have fought with her/for her.
  16. You try to do too much. What are you trying to prove and to whom?
  17. You need to learn to relax.

The items in bold I am actively working on addressing. The remainder, well, they will have to keep talking.

Do you talk negatively to yourself? Are your conversations similar to mine or to Jenna’s or completely different?

 

8 Thoughts.

  1. Well being your spouse I feel the need to tell your inner voices they should maybe ‘balance’ things a bit more perhaps.
    #1 and #4 are such loads of crap it’s not even remotely funny.
    As to #5, hells YES bake more, remember the ‘food porn’ circa 2010 when you were out of work, 🙂
    For #11, it’ll happen eventually and I for one want a personally SIGNED copy!!!
    #16, and this is a problem how?
    I will close with this, I wish I was 1/2 the person you are, I wish I had 1/2 the ambition you have.
    I’ve used the Nicholson line from ‘as good as it gets’ before but it still holds true, ‘you make me wanna be a better man’.
    xoxo

  2. All horrible lies! I have known you a very long time and think that you have a lot to share in the telling of your “story”. Things that other women could learn from and possible alter the way they do things. I tell myself the same things about cooking and cleaning. My husband is finally talking about a cleaning lady coming in once or twice a month. That would take one issue off my plate and I wouldn’t hate my home not being clean. You are a most beautiful woman, both inside and out. You might want to try to look in the mirror and seeing the beauty that others see in you. It’s a slow process, but one that brings about a healthier self-perception. And, listen to that man of yours…he’s speaks wisdom. <3

  3. I was going to reply to you, and then as I was reading your comments, I found myself saying OMG I said this just the other day! – some of them however I can so relate to –

    You are not a good mother to your sons. – NOOOOTTTT!!!
    You should clean your house better/more frequently/differently. -I say this all the time as I walk by the pile of stuff in my room, living room, etc.
    You should grocery shop regularly and use coupons. – I have the coupons….at home..not when I actually go to the store.
    You are too quiet/anti-social/introverted. – this has happened as I have gotten older and I have no idea on how to change it or if I even want to…

    And Kish I get dibs on the first “signed” copy of the book…just sayin….

    We luv you Suz!!!

  4. Thanks all for comments. Follow up post will be about where these voices come from. This post has generated some great discussion amongst my friends and family. Thanks again to Jenna for the prompt.

  5. Listen to your hub, Suz. You are one of the finest people I know.

    We all have an inner critic. I cover ways to deal with that (at least from a writing standpoint) when I give workshops on memoir. It’s not easy, but better to confront the voices than try to ignore them.

    (((HUGS)))

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  7. Pingback: Internal Voices Part 2 | Writing My Wrongs

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