When Caseworkers Respond

Remember the mom of a few days ago that expressed interest in meeting with the Easter House caseworker?

She wrote a letter and requested a meeting.  Below is the response she received via certified mail.  Names have been removed by me by design.  It feels important to note that this mother has already found her child and is in reunion.

I will let you comment before I share mine. Note I have the mothers original letter as well.  I will ask for her permission to post that.  I can assure you it was very non threatening, non worthy of a being told she needs mental help.

Edited 5/9 to add mothers letter. I blurred out certain identifying information of mother or her family.  Remainder is unchanged.  

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16 Thoughts.

  1. WTF????wow..I will to read this over and over again wrap my head around this bitch’s response…compassion certainly was not in this woman’s response to this person…

  2. Disappointed, but unfortunately not shocked. Passing the blame, lots of excuses and outright lies. Hallmarks of Kurtz agencies, nice to know nothing has changed for her. She is who she was however many years ago. I’ve run into several people through my search that seemed to have been changed after finding out how bad the agency & system in general really were, but many others who still spout the party lines. Rude, lacking compassion, other words I won’t say here. I’d probably write her again and say my peace, there’s nothing she can do legal-wise as long as the letter isn’t threatening.

  3. Wow. Just wow. Did they actually believe that we would be silent over those years? That we could “get over it”? Obviously she struck a nerve, otherwise she would have agreed to have communication.

  4. Yes, please go find a mental health professional to “undo” the mind-f$#@ we did to you, and while you’re at it have a pleasant day!

    …Sorry… had a trigger moment 🙂

  5. Wow, what a bitch. Mental health help? What world does this woman live in? Was it Melissa? Because she wasn’t exactly welcoming when I contacted her either.

  6. It reads like a form or coached letter to me. Kinda wondering if anyone else has had (very) similar responses from former caseworkers.

    • I have never gotten a written response from mine. Once when I called her over 10 years ago she refused to say anything and kept saying over and over how my daughter went to a loving family. Funny cuz that was not what I was asking her..yet all she could or would say.

  7. This is a travesty – beyond insulting on so many levels. How many times did she say “seek a mental health professional”? What if this mother already did? How can she assume she didn’t? The mother was asking for closure and compassion and instead received an impersonal form letter from a person trying to absolve themselves from something they likely knew was unethical. I don’t have a word appropriately hate-filled enough to say how that letter would make me feel. However, the sentence “it is clear that you have strong emotions relating to your adoption, which I am certain many women later in life develop”… is the most insidious, as she is suggesting this mother grew into pain/regret. We all lived with the pain before, during and after adoption – it was never ‘easy’. What an ignorant, insensitive, obviously cowardly woman she is. She is so disturbed by the role she played and is insistent to wash her dirty hands of it. She should have just said she was sorry. She didn’t have to agree to meet, but she should have figured out a way to say something a lot more meaningful and less disgusting. I often wondered how these caseworkers slept at night after presenting themselves as our caring, concerned supporters who dumped us as soon as we delivered ‘the goods’. Oh, and she should go seek legal counsel at her expense – what an empty threat. Last I checked, I can send mail to anyone I want as long as I put a stamp on it.

  8. I agree with Hilary that the ‘Later in life” part is the most offencsive. Clearly she or whoever wrote the letter doesn’t get it OR it helps with today’s relinquishing moms to say this was a later-life regret brought on by failing to seek out the appropriate mental health professional. The other disturbing part was – I don’t remember anything about our conversations. At the end, I believe she says I may be forced to seek further legal counsel. I think this letter was written by a lawyer for her.

  9. Wow. That seems to be a common response. This REEKS of someone who is well aware of the fall out of her actions and has guilt at her wrongdoing. Innocent people who have the empathy she says she does, would be willing to entertain a few questions without threatening legal counsel. While I’m sorry that your friend isn’t getting a satisfactory discussion, I hope she feels validated in any thoughts she may have about the depravity if this caseworker.

  10. Funny….

    Funny that the social worker is asking for this mother to respect her personal and professional boundaries. I don’t ever remember reading about a social worker who used coercion respect the mother’s boundaries. I do wonder if the admission of the surety of many mothers having strong emotions related to adoption as they get older may have some legal impact.

  11. “Intended as a friendly letter?” My arse! Seek mental health treatment? Ditto. Further contact will cause me to seek legal counsel? Colder than cold. Does she not realize the impact she had on this woman’s life. I think she does, and many of these people do, EH or otherwise, and hence they cannot come forward and be real. So sad, and yes, insulting to the women who seek to speak to them.

  12. I think we have a very STRONG candidate for asshat of the month, UFR is all I can say. My blood is boiling at her lack of empathy in the least and then to add insult to injury by threatening legal action. Seriously? Grrr!!!

  13. Pingback: When Caseworkers Respond 2 – Writing My Wrongs

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