In a furious attempt to find an old draft of my book, I ended up losing access to all of my daughters emails from early reunion. I found her in 2005, June 28th to be exact. I used to have an .aol email address. I saved all the emails, saved that address, even after I moved over to GMail. I kept it for her, because of her, because of reunion.
Today I lost them all. I am only mildly upset by it. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. More recent years emails are on my gmail but somehow, I feel like I lost a baby blanket or something. The first few items I was granted upon reunion, her words, no matter how difficult they were. Gone.
Perhaps what is most interesting about this event is that I lost them in the act of trying to locate another file, a draft of my memoir. I recently joined a writing group and I have begun making serious progress on my book.
Perhaps I had to lighten the load I was carrying before I could add more to it.
I don’t know.
Perhaps I am trying to put a positive spin on something really pretty upsetting.