Mailbag: Still active?

Received two emails this week that essentially ask the same question:

Are you still active in adoption reform activities? You seem to have dropped of the scene a bit. Not writing much about it.

Answer:

Of course.  Most definitely. Without question.

My lack of writing about adoption is two pronged. I am currently in yet another round of therapy to deal with it.  Rather than spout it here, I am dealing with it more productively with my therapist. We are now trying EMDR as well as CBT.

Additionally, to some degree I feel like I have publicly said all I can say.  Not to mention that stalking business and rude emails from someone calling themselves ElizabethJoyLinda have made me a bit blog writing shy.

Finally, and perhaps more importantly, my focus of late has been in supporting teen parents. I view our adoption “problem” in the US as a bit of a three legged stool. One leg is the greedy, uneducated agencies and policy makers. Another leg is lusting infertile PAPS who will believe anything told to them and pay any price to get a child to call their own. The third leg is the vulnerable mothers and children the agencies and PAPS prey on, the source of their baby harvest.

While many of my my peers focus their efforts on policy change, I focus on the other leg of the stool – the mothers.  I believe if we “cut off the supply” (or at very least reduce it to children who are truly orphans and need homes) we will have made incredible changes.  We still need those other efforts (open records, legally enforceable open adoption agreements, etc) I just don’t focus my energy there. People far more skilled and knowledgeable are doing a great job in that department — on those two legs of the stool.  I am focusing on a different leg.

I am meeting amazing young woman and incredible organizations that support them.  Teen mothers can be and are successful. They fail because society at large wants them to fail.  Mothering is hard at any age. It is always expensive and always life changing. Teens can parent well if they are supported just as older married women are. I firmly believe that.

7 Thoughts.

  1. I agree Suz!! I believe that if we each support where we can than we can one day break the cycle. I don’t know that we can change our past but we can help to protect the futures of other young moms.

    • Deb – You are living proof of that having broken the cycle in your own family! Kudos to you. Yes. Indeed. Let our future daughters learn from our past and never walk our path. Hugs.

  2. Stalking e-mails from “ElizabethJoyLinda”? Oh, that’s a good one. Poor you. That’s sort of like the trifecta of . . . well, no need to spell it out further. Certainly have noticed that you have quietly stepped back from the fray, so to speak, and are constructively supporting expectant, single, and teen moms. Money’s been tight, but I do plan to buy some baubles from you soon. It’s good work you’re doing and a couple of folks have commented on it to me. Best of luck.

    • Yes, the name is suspect and certainly raised an eyebrow when I got the first missive. I have no idea the source. Troll or someone thinking they are funny. I attempted to trace but the individual also sent the emails from an AOL account (likely by design) which makes it difficult to trace source. Additionally, they sent it through the now defunct contact form on this blog which also left little tracing. I have since removed the form.

      I hope I have heard the last from them and their nastiness.

  3. I support you 100% Suz. You are doing something to help teen mothers, who might otherwise be fodder for adoption. So many other approaches to this: helping mothers come out, helping adoptees understand, helping all in searches, helping those in reunion find their way. Much to do, so little time. Your current focus is right on. As for E/J/L, they are the triad of terror. Hope you can escape their BS.

  4. Hi, Suz, just came across this blog. I, too surrendered thru EH , in 1982, searched for 5 years, found, reunited in 2000. The state of our relationship is a very long story. Am continually dealing with the aftermath. Only recently, though, with professional help. As I just found this blog, I will be reading many of the posts in the near future.
    I commend you for working to protect other new/expecting mothers from adoption loss.

    • Howdy Deb! Welcome! I am sorry you experienced EH but happy you found your child. I too am continually dealing with aftermath (and I don’t have any relationship with my daughter at her wishes). Despite her absence, I am still dealing with it. No such thing as out of sight out of mind. I do have a good therapist and we have recently started to go “there”. Thank you for the compliments on working with Moms. I believe strongly that while so many work to change adoption we also need to cut off the supply. A mother should never be separated from her child due to poverty, lack of support or options. We can do better by our mothers and children.

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