I have always been fascinated by the nature/nurture discussions in adoption. By nature I refer to what most would consider genetics, the aspects of one personality that are inherited from your gene pool. Nurture of course being the cultural morals, values, temperaments, judgements, etc. that you learn by living with the people who raise you (think primary socialization).
Mothers and children separated by adoption don’t get to see the nature aspects of themselves until, and only if, reunion occurs. While I have not been granted the honor of meeting my daughter again in person, I have been able to observe her online persona and even with that limited viewing can see so many ways we are similar.
One of the most amusing ways (and I am not sure this is nature but it has been amusingly suggested) is our love of hair color. I don’t mean one color, I mean all colors (see photo above for a sampling of my own). In fact, when I found my daughter so many years ago, one of the first things a friend and maternity home resident to me was “Who knew hair color was inherited?”. She was commenting on the pictures of my daughter I had shared, pictures that showed daughter with blonde hair, dark hair, red hair, highlighted hair. More recently daughter and I have both experimented with purple hair. She is currently a very bleached blonde, a color I can never achieve (well, not if I wish to keep my hair on my head). I was once blonde. It was the highest lift I could achieve without bleach and it ended up this corn color. With my very fair skin, freckles, green eyes, dark brows, it was NOT attractive. My daughter is able to carry it in a way I could not.Purple Hair
My hair is currently one solid boring color. I struggled with the purple taking and staying. It requires a double process of bleaching and then coloring. I was frustrated with the fading, the amount of money and time I was investing and NOT getting what I wanted. Unlike my daughter, I pay someone to do mine every six weeks and it is not cheap. I do regret ever leaving the red family. I had such fun there! My vision for the future is to continue growing my hair until my surgery shaved head has grown in a bit more (due to my spine surgery the doctors shaved several inches up into my hair-line totally bald, an undercut). Once the hair has gotten a length I tolerate cutting it all to, I may be able to get more creative again with hair color. For now I am relying on clip in color and same color extensions. I am also playing with makeup and moving towards more of a Kat Von D color palette.
Did you find you and your child shared certain traits? What were/are they? Did any take you by surprise? By comparison, did you also see your child’s other bio parent in them as well?
I would love to hear your stories.