I have a question for mothers in reunion but before I ask it I want to give some context.
Mother registered with adoption registry (ehbabes.com) and provided significant details. I (as founder of ehbabes.com) do not provide all the details publicly. I keep most identifying info to myself (for many reasons, ask if you are curious). Mother also posted on ehbabes.com annex page on Facebook. She and I corresponded and she was fairly anxious to find, undertaking an active search. I did not search for her. I gave her tips, suggestions and posted the items we agreed on.
A few months later the ADOPTIVE mother of mother’s child sees the postings. She contacts me and also posts on the Facebook thread. She also finds the mother online and contacts her (via Facebook). I also emailed the mother and let her know there was a possible match (fairly definite actually)
There is no response to me or the adoptive mother (who is actually jointly searching/contacting with their shared daughter).
Adoptive mother, daughter are stumped, scared, confused, unsure what to do next. Stop reaching out? Try another approach?
I have offered some suggestions and possible reasons for the dead air. I have also suggested they consider a snail mail letter and photos. Finally, I also suggested they read a few books on reunion. While adoptive mother and daughter are fairly well read adoption wise, they did need a few pointers on the mother side of things, how reunion can trigger us to long ago inflicted wounds, etc.
My question is to mothers (and anyone else that might want to offer thoughts, adoptees might also have actively searched and then decided against responding).
What might be your reasons for actively searching, then being found as a result of your efforts and then not answering the reach outs?
Again, I offered many suggestions to my friends but wanted to see if you had something more to offer her. Once I get a few comments I am going to direct them here. Feel free to share your own experience/story. If it is lengthy, I would even consider a guest post!
Thanks for your consideration. I would like to give this aMom and her daughter more than just my POV. You may validate my statements or even better, you may offer some new thoughts.