Seven Years of “Reunion”

Wow. I just realized that June 28th passed completely unnoticed by me. This is my reunion anniversary.  In years past I was painfully and gleefully aware of it.  I used to celebrate it. I once sent her gifts (which she returned).

This year I did not even remember it until now.

Wonder what that means? If anything. Apparently I forgot on year 3 as well.

Previous anniversary posts are interesting to read.

Year Six – Six Years Later Today is the sixth anniversary of finding my daughter. Amazing to me to reflect how things have changed so drastically in six years. My feelings are totally different, my relatinship is totally different, my home, my job, my life, the approach I take with my sons in regards to their sister, the expectations I have, the amount of time I spending thinking about her, the “box”, and more. I am far less involved in adoption blogs and search and reunion….

Year Six – Reunion Dreams and Nightmares The reunion dream. Again.  I hate this. No matter how good I think I am doing, how well I am functioning in my waking hours, my sleep and my subconscious join forces and attack me when my guard is down…

Year Five – Five Year AnniversaryFive years ago today I received an email from my daughter for the first time. Five years ago today she wrote me back. Not much has changed in the five years. Least not in relation to our reunion. I don’t hear from her anymore, not that I ever heard much. I don’t check on her as much these days…

Year Four – Happy (?) Anniversary –  Part of me believes I did the right thing in finding her – for her. Even though she may feel differently, I do believe I did the right thing. She knows where I am. She knows how to contact me. She knows she was always wanted. She knows her medical history and extended family is hers for the asking. She has much much more than many adoptees do. Where I question if I did the wrong thing is when I think about myself…

Year Two – Two YearsShe personally fulfilled the broken promises made to me by the agency and her adopters. She gave me the proof that she was alive. She sent me the pictures that had been promised for twenty years but never came. It’s been a challenging two years. I don’t regret it one bit but I would be lying if I said it was easy. It’s very tough wanting to mother someone that doesn’t consider you her mother. It’s hard to be a friend when you are a mother. Its hard to respect boundaries that were set by others.  Unnatural boundaries that were set by the laws of man not mother nature. The ties that bind are indeed ties and they do bind.

 

5 Thoughts.

  1. You’re letting go of what isn’t workable right now. I’m just sorry that it isn’t. (((Hugs)))

  2. I will never understand how our children can be so cold when we lost all those years subsequent to “reunion”, now are losing all the years following. It just boggles the mind.

    We looked for them, found them, never forgot them and yearned for the days when we could be together again or at least have them in our lives if even in some small way, and they act as if we deserve to be treated like we mean absolutely nothing to them. I refused to allow my child to treat me like this, absolutely refused. He is more concerned for the feelings of his adopters, who obtained my child through fraud and lies than that of me, his brother or anyone else. If that is what he wants, that is what he will get. I will not lose myself in this process, any more than I have already been lost (by the loss of him in first place). We deserve peace and happiness, just as anyone does. Us making uninformed, wrong choices when it came to the adoption of our children does not and should not doom us to a life of depression, flashbacks, PTSD, you name it. I paid my emotional debt. I will live my life in peace but yes, regret, of ever allowing this to happen in the first place, but I have forgiven myself. I made an uninformed choice when I was a young, vulnerable woman. We all did. I for one will not allow anyone to punish me any further for something I don’t deserve to be punished for, which was believing I was doing the right thing for my child at the time. I was not.

    I do not know your daughter, or you, aside from what I read here and from what I can tell, it is her loss. You are intelligent, articulate, beautiful, caring mother, woman and friend. She is missing out and one can’t help but feel that one day she will truly regret the way she has denounced you and her brothers.

  3. I will never understand how our children can be so cold when we lost all those years subsequent to “reunion”, now are losing all the years following. It just boggles the mind.

    We looked for them, found them, never forgot them and yearned for the days when we could be together again and they act as if we deserve to be treated like we mean absolutely nothing to them. I refused to allow my child to treat me like this, absolutely refused. He is more concerned for the feelings of his adopters, who obtained my child through fraud and lies than that of me, his brother or anyone else. If that is what he wants, that is what he will get. I will not lose myself in this process, any more than I have already been lost (by the loss of him in first place). We deserve peace and happiness, just as anyone does. Us making uninformed, wrong choices when it came to the adoption of our children does not and should not doom us to a life of depression, flashbacks, PTSD, you name it. I paid my emotional debt. I will live my life in peace but yes, regret, of ever allowing this to happen in the first place, but I have forgiven myself. I made an uninformed choice when I was a young, vulnerable woman. We all did. I for one will not allow anyone to punish me any further for something I don’t deserve to be punished for, which was believing I was doing the right thing for my child at the time. I was not.

    I do not know your daughter, or you, aside from what I read here and from what I can tell, it is her loss. You are intelligent, articulate, beautiful, caring mother, woman and friend. She is missing out and one can’t help but feel that one day she will truly regret the way she has denounced you and her brothers.

  4. I hope the day comes soon when you are in a true “reunion” with your daughter Suz. (A true reunion that involves a relationship versus just a “knowing” ~ you knowing she is a alive and well, her knowing who you are and her basic questions answered.)

  5. So, so complex.

    I want to say I’m sorry and sad that your reunion with your daughter hasn’t been what you had hoped it would be. I also want to say I’m glad you’re in a place that allows you to look at it differently than in years past, with more care for your emotional well-being. But then I want to say I’m angry that your daughter has refused to open up to contact.

    I mostly want to say that I truly believe your daughter’s attitude and feelings have been largely established by what she heard from her adoptive parents. What an incredible shame that they have been able to influence her so negatively. Worse still that they’re not alone, in spite of all the movement toward openness.

    Always hoping that her thoughts change in the future, and that you are good to yourself above all while they don’t.

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