Progress

She did it. I don’t know if it was intentional, or if she was advised, or if it was a slip of the tongue but she did it — and it startled me.

Sitting on my mothers back deck today, discussing my upcoming surgery, recovery and possible challenges, I say:

“To add to it, I am allergic to opiates.  I had a terrible reaction to morphine following my c-section with my oldest son and just a few months ago I had the same reaction to hydrocodone.  Post op pain management may be a little challenging.”

Moms friend, Tara, sitting next to me makes one of those sounds that signals understanding.  Mom looks at me across the table. I continue.

“Surgeon says there are other meds, like diluadid, that they can give me. I hope they remember to do so” I say as I reach for my glass of seltzer.

“You had a reaction to demerol when you had [daughters amended name] as well, right?”

I am literally flabbergasted and it takes me a moment or two to respond.  My mother remembers that 26 years ago, as I experience labor with only my caseworker by my side, the hospital gave me pain meds.  Pain meds that the caseworker told me I was “lucky” to get. She told me other girls with other agencies did not get pain meds.  My mothers use of my daughters amended name  coupled with the memory of hallucinating with my caseworker by my side throws me.

“Yes, I did. Only in that case I hallucinated. In retrospect that seems odd, they gave that to me while I was in labor. Is it standard to give Demerol to mothers in labor? I was never given anything when I had the boys…at least not until the c-sections.”  I share.

The conversation continues. While I am there, I am not really aware of the conversation. My breathing is still a bit off due to mom using daughters amended name. I wonder why. Did my sister say something to her? Was it a slip? Was she even aware she did that? Is it something new since I shared my daughters contact details with her? Did that make the amended name more real to her?

After a few more minutes of thought, I decide I don’t care why. I am just glad she did.

Photo: Mommy and me taken earlier today

5 Thoughts.

  1. Sometimes it just takes a long, long time for people to see a situation with clarity. It doesn’t take away the years that you suffered, but will hopefully lessen the pain going forward.

    This photo is wonderful – you and your mother have two pairs of the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

    • Heh. I say my eyes are better cuz they are green. My entire family (except me) has amazing blues eyes. Where I used to hate that as a kid (made me feel left out, not to mention they all have J names and I have an S) I have come to love my green peepers.

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