Whitney Houston passed away suddenly this weekend and in the space of time since the announcement till today I have relived the birth and surrender of my daughter no less than twenty times, every time I heard her music.
It has been a challenging weekend.
As I wrote in this post in 2009, Whitney’s song The Greatest Love of All played in my hospital room the last time I saw and held my first born child. The song was a favorite of mine in 1985 and it struck me, deeply, when I held my daughter. The lyrics about children being our future seemed prophetic to me and it hit the chord inside me that I would not be part of her future, could not give her the future she deserved (according to society’s standards). Whitney asked us in her song to show the children all the beauty they possessed inside. I felt I couldn’t do that, then, but adoption could. Staying with me would show her how bad and awful life could be where as the miracle of adoption would not only show her beauty but give her more.
Whitney goes on to say she found the greatest love of all inside of herself. I did too. I found my child, my motherhood, inside of me. And I gave it away to strangers. It has been a challenging road back from that experience, from that loss. Contrary to what Ms. Houston suggests, they did take away my dignity and I allowed it.
Years later, that special place that I had been dreaming of, reunion, did lead me to a lonely place. Whitney suggests in those times we should find our strength in love. I keep trying.
Here is the video. Below it I have pasted the links to other posts that talk about this song and it effect on me.
RIP Whitney Houston.
Greatest Pain of All – My eleven year old son, soon to graduate fifth grade and go onto middle school, has been singing a Whitney Houston song for days. Read more.
Painful Daze – At approximately 2:30 yesterday afternoon I was thrown under the bus by a coworker and promptly set on fire. I was unaware that I was on fire until my boss called me into her office to let me know that said coworker had not only thrown me under the bus but she had done a jig, pounded on her chest, and howled at the moon before she threw the match that lit me on fire. Read more.
Freewriting – The song, low in volume, crackled out of the speaker on my hospital bed. How appropriate I thought. It makes perfect sense to me that as I hold my child in my shaky arms for the last time for the rest of her life, I hear “The Greatest Love of All” floating in the air behind me. Is this some sort of sick joke being acted out by the Gods? Read more.