Reflections

photo credit: camil tulcan

Like many other bloggers, I get reflective at this time of year. From an adoption perspective, I like to review where I have come from so I can put thought into where I want to go.  While I remain firm in my belief that there is not such thing as “healing” from adoption, I have found I am comfortable working towards a certain level of acceptance and forgiveness of self.  My posts seem, at least to me, to indicate I am doing fairly well in that regard. Certainly, if you judge based on the quantity of posts, there has been a significant decrease in their number.  There can be many reasons for this (and there are) but overall I believe it is acceptance at work here.

Below I have excerpted some summary data from my December posts around this time of year. You might be interested in reading yourself as many of you have been around this blog for a while and your might find your own comments telling of your own position and even progress.

What I am most shocked by is that I find no reference in December posts to the topic of Angels or my favorite song by Trans Siberian Orchestra “An Angel Came Down”.  I know I wrote about this song, how it reminded me of my daughter, and how I once wrote the lyrics to the song on the brown wrapping paper I used to send her the first holiday gifts.  Since that was in December of 2005 and this blog only goes as far back as December 2006, I am going to assume it was captured elsewhere. I have moved blog platforms several times over the years.

December 2011 (7 posts)

Posts split evening between the nightmare that is Formspring and the death of two dear friends, Judy and Paul.

December 2010 (3 posts)

I only posted 3 times in December 2010. I find that interesting but am going to chalk it up to the fact that the third post was about my dad dying. I am guessing I was a bit preoccupied.

December 2009 (3 posts)

Two posts one before the holiday and one right after. Both posts are heavy with adoption.  December 24 was talking about My Girl(s) and December 29th had reflecting on the holiday with my family – both present and missing from the festivities?

 December 2008 (9 posts)

Emotional posts (or “heavy” as Denise and I joke). Including fears of having less emotion about reunion and what that might mean (or not), commentary on the rude things people say during the holidays to me about my reunion and absolutely adorable, a post and picture of my youngest son and a note he wrote for “Stanta” (said note was the cover of my facebook timeline for the month of December 2011).

 December 2007 (31 posts!)

A difficult poem which I had forgotten writing. Wow. Triggering but I suspect in a different way than writing it was four years ago.  Other posts talk about self fulfilling prophecies in reunion as well as adoption’s Lucifer effect (which is a reference to one of my favorite books by Phil Zimbardo).

More Stats

Surprisingly, wordpress stats sent me this nifty little metrics report. I don’t recall getting this in years past. I suspect it is rooted in my finally being on self hosted wordpress and using jetpack.  Anywho, the report also had some interesting info.

In 2011, there were 109 new posts.

The busiest day of the year was October 6th with 1,033 views. The most popular post that day was My Mother and Steve Jobs. I am fairly confident that had more to do with Steve Jobs than it did my mother. Sorry Mom.

The top referring sites in 2011 were:

Top keywords used to find my blog were: cry, writing my wrongs, caution, joanne simpson mother of steve jobs, and steve jobs mother. I have mixed feelings on the fact that the top keyword is the word “cry”.

Most of my visitors came from United States,Canadaand theUnited Kingdom(in that order). No surprise there.

The post that received the most comments was Mothers Behaving Badly. This pleases me. In the post I question certain behaviors that I believe all mothers (self included) need to question.

The posts that received the most views overall:

  1.  My Mother and Steve Jobs
  2.  Roger Ebert Made Me Cry
  3.  I Heard from My Daughter [Not Good]
  4.  Approach with Caution (this post was actually written in 2010 but appears to continue to be popular)
  5.  Adoption Constellation

As I review this data and begin to look towards 2012, I have yet to draw any conclusions (other than feeling the decreasing posts is a good sign).  I am regularly assessing where I am with adoption, where I want to go and most importantly, what it might mean, if anything, to my reunion. While I would love to have a map, a talisman to guide me, I suspect I will have to rely on my instincts – something I should have done in 1986.

Happy new year all.  Thank you for reading, for being my friend IRL or in cyberspace, for your support and compassion.

2 Thoughts.

  1. Happy New Year to you Suz. I’m glad I found your blog as it has been very helpful to me.

  2. Pingback: 2012 Blog Stats | Writing My Wrongs

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