I gave much thought to publishing this post – or not – and the consequences of doing so. This feels important to me. I don’t mean to my reunion or even my daughter, but me, my feelings, my growth, my acceptance, my living. As such, I am going to run with it.
My daughter is apparently still being followed by someone on formspring that knows she is adopted.
(And before you people in France and beyond go hollering at me for reading her formspring, keep in mind, her rules were that I could read her online life but not comment, or make my presence known in any way. I mean nothing to her but that nothingness of me bothers her when she is reminded of the nothing by my commenting or liking a blog post, retweeting a good tweet, etc.).
I felt a mixture of pleasure and sadness to see her come “out” to one of the questions that pointedly asked her about her “adoptedness” (is that a word?). The fact that she outed herself as adopted I interpret (perhaps erroneously) as a positive step of acceptance or some type of maturity and growth? I am also glad that she publicly answered the troll.
She responded in part by stating she is “lucky and privileged in this” (assuming “this” is being adopted) and it involves many parties with experiences ranging from “wildly traumatizing” to “very positive”. I am gonna guess that I am the “wildly traumatized” side and her adoptive parents on the “very positive” side.
It was interesting to read and I went back several times. Of course I can read into it — or not. I can debate the words “lucky and privileged” to be adopted. I can comment on dominant discourse in adoption (and youse all know part of me is dying to do so).
But I will refrain (well, except for what I just said above).
I actually feel rather pleased and comforted to have read it. I pondered, for a second or two, writing her and congratulating her for responding to the asshat and for speaking her truth, regardless of what I may feel about it. I didn’t of course. Maybe that is what this post is – a way for me to write her yet not.
I am going to turn comments off on this post as I don’t want a public discussion of her statements and her position. Yes, yes, I realize I just did that myself but that is kind of the point. I stand behind, defend, am responsible to her for my words and my words alone. I realize blogs are partially intended to encourage dialogue and turning off comments works against such conversation. Just go with me on this, mk? If you have something to share, you are welcome to write me privately at bluestokking at gmail dot com.
I do welcome it, even it appearances may suggest otherwise.