I am heading to Chicago tomorrow morning for a week vacation with my love. I am excited. It is my home. It is where I left my soul and where I go to recharge and restock such. Members of my family continue to be startled by my adoration for this city, this city that took my daughter from me but in return gave me the heart and soul that I carry around today. I sincerely dream of returning to it for good some day. I miss the art, the culture, the music, the food, the shopping, the diversity.
Sweetie and I are visiting for a good reasons, reasons that I will share later in the week. On the eve of our departure I am feeling nostalgic and thoughtful and deep, particularly in light of Sweeties request for me to take him to all my old “haunts”. Funny term. Haunts. Many places in Chicago have haunted me while others have given me life. I agreed to take him to all. The maternity home, my old apartments in Lakeview, Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park. No one in my life today has seen all those parts of my past life. Have I mentioned I am excited? Yes, I actually walk in the pain of the past with a smile these days. Everything that has happened to me, every path I have crossed, every pain I have endured, has contributed to the person I am today. I like that person. If I am to like her, I must accept what made her, good, bad or otherwise.
Again with the nostalgia, I thought of my daughters father this evening. Thoughts were largely prompted by my nieces boyfriend posting an Eddie Vedder video on his Facebook. I am a huge Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam fan. Listening to the song posted brought to mind a song my daughters father once dedicated (and later sang) to me.
This lyric in particular still moves me to tears. I am suspect he was thinking of me, in relation to his life, but for me, I think of my daughter and the loss of her from mine.
But here is the video for the entire song.
More to come later in the week.