My oldest son is maturing and with that maturity comes typical challenges associated with a hormonal teenage boy. I realize throughout this process I have the power to greatly influence his behavior, particularly his views on women.
I almost flubbed it a bit the other day. I wanted to sensitize him to the sexual objectification of women. As is my nature, I wanted to make the info age appropriate yet impactful and informative. To make a point, I attempted to personalize the conversation in a way he could relate to. In doing so, I found myself up two exhales away from asking him how he would feel if someone was talking about his sister the way he hears some guys talk about women.
But I stopped myself. I just couldn’t go there. It felt wrong, awkward, gastrointestinally disturbing. I realized the instant I processed the thought that it was probably a bad example, a really bad example.
My reasons are complex but the strongest one is that I don’t want to remind him, yet again, of his-sister-that-is-not-a-sister-that-doesnt-want-to- know-him-as-a-brother-even-if-he-wants-to-know-her-as-a-sister. Teenage years are hard enough (gosh, my own sucked so bad) without introducing additional emotional complexity, without reminding him of how he is collateral damage to the decisions his mother, his grandparents and his sister made for him without his consent.
I hate what adoption has done to me and my entire family. So much for that myth called Informed Consent.
I never gave consent for all my future children and relationships to be negatively effected.