On today of all days my daughter writes to me. Its been what, over two years?
I wish I could say it was good news. In fact, it is distressing news. I have no other word.
Someone, allegedly someone connected to me has been harassing my daughter via her formspring. Due to the egregious nature of this harassment I am going to do something I have never, ever done. I am going to paste my daughters exact words to me. I am also going to include an image attachment that she refers to her in her email.
Before I do so, I am going to state that I have indeed shared her formspring with three people. Three decent, honest compassionate people who care for me. I am confident they would NEVER ever do this. However, there are many other people (mostly those in the ehbabes.com group and other) that do know my daughter’s name and where she went to college. It would be easy to put two and two together.
I am simultaneously enraged and disgusted by this. I am enraged that I am the one she suspects (but then again, don’t mothers get blamed for everything?). I don’t know if she wrote her father as well. She may have forgotten that her father, and his wife, and her half sisters could also be responsible. It could also be coincidence (at least some of them). Surely she had friends in school and adopted family members that know she is adopted. I am not going to deny that she draws an obvious conclusion yet I am not going to go on a witch hunt asking everyone I know if they have been harassing her. The tone of these messages, honestly, sound partially like an adoptee.
Regardless, if this is you, or you know who it is, please stop or ask them stop. I can appreciate that person may feel they are protecting or defending me, in some distorted way at least. I don’t need protecting or defending. I can do it well enough on my own these days. The days of needing someone to defend my relationship with my child are long gone. I needed that in 1986, not today.
This was her email to me:
Please see attached.
This is maybe about 10% of the harassment I have been receiving over the past months, and while in general I understand that the internet breeds ignorance, rudeness, and assholes-at-large, this is all so specific that I do not think it out of line to presume that it is in some way connected to you.
This level of targeted harassment is completely unnecessary, and if you are in any way responsible, I would please ask you to refrain from it in the future. If not, please accept my apologies, but given the subject matter at hand here, I do not think I am leaping to any outrageous conclusions to assume that these comments are coming, if not from you, from someone close to you or from someone directed to me through your retweets/links to my blog/etc. I am at a loss for any other explanation.
I have requested that you protect the identity and anonymity of both myself and those close to me before; the fact that I am receiving this level of aggressive and overly negative adoption-related spam and trolling suggests to me that this has not been the case. I understand that we have a difference of opinion and very different needs, and I wish to respect your emotional needs as much as possible given the circumstances, but the extent to which this has opened me up to such direct hate is distressing. If possible, I would appreciate it if you could be sensitive to this in the future.
Thank you for your understanding.”
Image to the left. Click for a larger version.
After cooling myself off, I did respond to her with one sentence and let her know her apology was accepted.