Since my dad has been moved to hospice care, many friends and family have told me to “make peace” with my dad. They state this to me with the knowledge of the very difficult childhood I had with my father. The final act on that painful relationship was the surrendering of my daughter to a stranger adoption. I wont deny it. I carried intense bitterness and anger towards my father for a very long time. There were even times when I contemplated killing him (I am not kidding).
Fortunately, getting away from my home (by leaving a second time after my daughter was lost to adoption), was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. It gave me perspective. It got me out of the war zone and allowed me look at the inside from the outside, a step away.
The song Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics was released in 1988. Two years after my daughters birth and surrender. It was pivotal to my awakening and forgiving of my dad. As a parent, then, even one not raising her child, I was able to see my dad in a different light. In reflecting on my own parental crimes (abandoning my daughter to strangers) I reflected on my dad. The song remains on my top list of my profound listening choices even today.
I love you Daddy.