The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there’s gold in letting go of them. — John Seely Brown
How does one take a “break” from adoption?
Susie and I were trading comments in a previous post about this topic and I find myself wondering what tactics, coping mechanisms, others employ to get away from adoption (and I mean tactics beyond outright denial of adoption trauma).
Do you practice yoga?
Immerse yourself in other parts of your life?
Work too much?
Stay away from known triggers (blogs like this?)
Can one really “take a break” from adoption?
I haven’t been successful myself — ever. For me, to me, adoption is part of my very being, tattooed on my heart and soul, pulsing through my veins merging with my platelets in attempts to stop further soul bleeds. It is not just the thoughts I conjure in my waking hours. It comes to me at night – in my dreams and in my nightmares. It finds me in restaurants (as in last night while artist Rebecca Pidgeon and her band discussed the russian adoption scandal at the table next to me…or when the guy across the restaurant looked frighteningly like my daughters father). It is in the books on my bookshelf at home. It has branded my body (in the form of the logo used for the ehbabes.com site) – although I did this willingly and with no regret.
While I have let up on the adoption throttle by speaking less often, giving up ownership and moderation of a yahoogroup, blogging less, and many others things, I havent seen much of a decrease in the amount of pain/thoughts that goes into adoption. I have however stopped heaping more pain and punishment on myself. Perhaps that is a good thing? Perhaps that is all that I can do? Perhaps this amount of thought and pain is here to stay?
How do I take a break? How do you keep your child in your heart and NOT think of the fact that child is adopted? Doesnt want to know you? That your other children are effected?
Has anyone out there made progress? Found a way to NOT be in denial/avoidance but still “take a break“?
Open to suggestions.
What works for you? I would like to know.
And I am sure Susie would too.