“Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks
This no contact thing with my daughter. I am assuming, perhaps erroneously so, that it applies to her birthday. No contact is no contact and that means not sending a birthday wish in May, right?
This feels very precarious to me. I feel as if I wish her happy birthday (and say nothing more than those two words) that I risk angering her again. I would be violating her wishes. Yet I also feel that if I don’t wish her a happy birthday I am pissing her off too (or falling into a trap that was set for me). Maybe I am dreaming there. Maybe I am hoping she would care.
It violates every cell of my being to not wish my child a happy birthday. I wont send her a gift. I haven’t in several years (as she requested) but I will continue my practice of making a charitable donation in honor of her. (I am actually in the early stages of forming a scholarship fund. Cool thing is that the name of the fund is a combination of her original first and middle name and her amended names And the word that is formed is “nourishing” in Latin. And that is what I want the scholarship to be – nourishment to a single mom attending school. But, I digress).
But what with this birthday thing?
Important to note that in her last correspondence to me she stated that she rarely thinks of adoption and by extension, me, and my commenting on her sites or emailing her reminds her of that which she would rather not be reminded.
Should I assume that applies to birthdays or should I just do what I want and wish her a simple happy birthday?