Ornamental Distractions

“Like ornaments, thoughts of special people brighten the season and warm our hearts” – Unknown

I am not sure if I am happy or sad that one of the things I did NOT do during my 18 years of birthmother exile was have a special ornament for my daughter.  I can honestly say that the thought never occurred to me.

True to the duality of my gemini sign, I find that both disturbing and oddly comforting.

Regardless of what you did or what you think, Jenna”s post Ornamental Reflection is touching. Reading it made me want to go home today and an place an ornament on my tree in honor of my daughter. My bff sent me three hand painted ornaments this year. There was one for each of my sons and one for my fiance and I celebrating our new home.  There is nothing for my daughter.

And yet even as I think that, I tell myself I shouldnt bother. I need to stop torturing myself and cease including someone who at this time does not want to be included. And then I question even that thought. And I hop on the crazy reunion habitrail one more time and let my thoughts drive me crazy.

But yeah, go read Jenna’s post.

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9 Thoughts.

  1. I don’t know if it would occur to all people. My family? BIG on the ornaments. I got an ornament every year. I still get ornaments every year. It’s just what happens here. It felt unnatural not to have one for her that first year. I don’t think what I did was right or wrong for everyone. It was just right for me even though it took me awhile to actually utilize it.

    • Jenna – I think it is a beautiful sentiment. So suitable particularly for you and your family tradition. I planted trees, talked to stars, made donations and much more. Ornaments never occurred to me and that kinda surprises me. Again, fabu sentiment.

  2. It has been a year now since our son pulled back. The gifts went in the mail last week and arrived last Friday. His sister sent him a book they had talked about and his dad sent him an album of a concert we all went to together, before he pulled away. They both sent lovely cards with lovely sentiments written inside. Me, I sent two ornaments for his tree. A blue stained glass star. Blue is his favourite colour and when our reunion was joyful and we spent much time together outside late at night, we would look at the same bright star each evening. When he would go back home he would call me and tell me he had been outside looking at “our star”. The second ornament is a silver treble cleft, as he is a musician. I doubt he will hang these ornaments on his a-parents tree as he still lives at home, but maybe one day they will hang on a tree of his own. I could not send a card to him, I did not have a lovely sentiment to add. I did not have the words that would make it all better, and I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything that would have been less than that.

    I never bought ornaments in honour of our son either, but now that I think of it, it would have been a lovely thing to have added to our tree each year. This year though, our daughter bought a few ornaments that meant something to her, that reminded her of times she and her big brother shared together, in the year he shared her life.

    Maybe with much luck, she will be able to add more next year, of memories that they may make yet.

    Merry Christmas Suz,
    Denise

    • Denise – Same to you and all your children. What a wonderful sentiment your daughter has expressed for her brother. To paraphrase David Cook when he finds him, I hope he comes back to his sister. Happy Holidays.

  3. Thank you for sharing your adoption journey with us. I am a regular reader and many of your posts remind me that I really am not abnormal.

    Merry Christmas Suz, have a good one!

    • Jasmin – I am quite confident that you are not the least bit abnormal. The only thing abrnormal in adoption is the needless separation of mother and child, closed records, finding babies for homes instead of homes for children and more. Well, thats obviously more than one thing but you should get my point. You are not abnormal. Adoption as practiced in the USofA is.

      Happy Holidays to you Jasmin.

  4. I remember being struck when I first watched the movie, The Other Mother, when Carole pulled out the little stocking ornament she’d kept from the maternity home. My pregnancy sequesterment didn’t include Christmas. I’m a big fan of ornaments, but it never occurred to me to get one for my son. I stayed in the “forget” school for the next two decades, believing that would heal my pain.

    Like you, Suz, I am equally glad and chagrined that I never did that. Or like some women, bought my son a present every year on his birthday and kept them in hope of giving them to him some day.

    Wishing you and all of yours a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

    Hugs, Denise

  5. The first year I thought about doing this. I remember seeing a “baby’s first xmas” ornament somewhere and thought that would be a nice way to start a tradition of buying a yearly ornament.

    But somehow I couldn’t do it; just looking at that ornament felt like some awful self-inflicted punishment. I am both happy and sad about my decision not to buy any type of annual reminder.

    • Maybe – Seems to be the general consensus here. I am curious though what things other did do. I might post about this and inquire.

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