Comments on: List Post http://writingmywrongs.com/2009/11/19/list-post/ Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:20:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Denise http://writingmywrongs.com/2009/11/19/list-post/#comment-3799 Denise Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:04:12 +0000 http://writingmywrongs.com/?p=909#comment-3799 <i>What amazes me the most is that there seems to be some odd little parallel going on. The more I open my heart, the more love I let in, the more I seem to hurt in relation to my daughter and my adoption trauma. (And I thought I had hurt as much as I possibly could already!). The resulting effect is a bit disabling. I am struggling with it a bit. </i> I get this. What went on before was the numbing, not letting anything in, even love. We didn't feel we deserved it. But Rich got through to you. Now you have it — an amazing love and life — and I think what's missing is conspicuous in its absence. Thus the struggle with the loss of your daughter, her love, and knowing her. Appreciate what you have, and I know you do. Let the rest go. I have a feeling that at some point you will have it all. Love you, D. P.S. Glad the gift suggestion seemed right. What amazes me the most is that there seems to be some odd little parallel going on. The more I open my heart, the more love I let in, the more I seem to hurt in relation to my daughter and my adoption trauma. (And I thought I had hurt as much as I possibly could already!). The resulting effect is a bit disabling. I am struggling with it a bit.

I get this. What went on before was the numbing, not letting anything in, even love. We didn’t feel we deserved it. But Rich got through to you. Now you have it — an amazing love and life — and I think what’s missing is conspicuous in its absence. Thus the struggle with the loss of your daughter, her love, and knowing her.

Appreciate what you have, and I know you do. Let the rest go. I have a feeling that at some point you will have it all.

Love you, D.

P.S. Glad the gift suggestion seemed right.

]]> By: unsigned masterpiece http://writingmywrongs.com/2009/11/19/list-post/#comment-3798 unsigned masterpiece Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:50:33 +0000 http://writingmywrongs.com/?p=909#comment-3798 Great post! Great post!

]]> By: Susie http://writingmywrongs.com/2009/11/19/list-post/#comment-3797 Susie Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:18:38 +0000 http://writingmywrongs.com/?p=909#comment-3797 Hi Suz! As for your "black & white" pondering: We had to do whatever was necessary to keep our hearts "safe" from the full pain of adoption loss. In order to do that, we closed a part of our hearts. I don't think we allowed ourselves to acknowledge or feel the full extent of the love that we had for our children. When we finally are able to open our hearts fully, we feel the immense love that we always had, but protected. Once we feel "safe" with our emotions, and are able to let them out, decades of emotions are there ~ spilling out easily in tears. I wish I was more eloquent & able to get the words from my head into black & white. I hope this makes sense to you! It does in my head : D Susie Hi Suz!
As for your “black & white” pondering: We had to do whatever was necessary to keep our hearts “safe” from the full pain of adoption loss. In order to do that, we closed a part of our hearts. I don’t think we allowed ourselves to acknowledge or feel the full extent of the love that we had for our children. When we finally are able to open our hearts fully, we feel the immense love that we always had, but protected. Once we feel “safe” with our emotions, and are able to let them out, decades of emotions are there ~ spilling out easily in tears.

I wish I was more eloquent & able to get the words from my head into black & white. I hope this makes sense to you! It does in my head : D

Susie

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