I say this not because I think you “need” it or “need educating” or anything, but because Suz is right, her situation is probably much different from that of your child’s mom. She has angers and hurts and trauma that some of us younger moms can’t truthfully begin to even fathom (though I try hard and read her to learn). That’s not to say we don’t have our own hurt and trauma and are utterly unable to relate, but there are differences….

And the differences probably do impact these particular questions you’re asking (which actually intrigue me and I’d actually be interested in a dialogue about it). They may not be the questions to ask a mom from the Baby Scoop Era, because of the particular atrocities and trauma BSE moms suffered. But as a more recent mom, in an open adoption, I think the questions might be fairer for us. At least for me…. I know I have pondered myself how to share with my daughter, how to stay truthful to my perspective while allowing her her own reality and experience.

Suz is in a very different situation though, closed adoption, reunion after long years of separation, sent to a maternity home, outright lied to and coerced and forced.

(((Hugs))) Suz.

And Kelly, if you want do stop by.

Am I biased when it comes to Suz and my feelings/support for her, damn straight I am..

Being biased does not exempt me from having me own opinions however…

I found ‘conversemomma’ comments on ‘my personal prozac’ to be in a lot of ways off base and have little to no merit, a lot of ‘em were illogical, she’s framing an argument to suit her purposes and such…

Her almost ‘attacking’ Suz and such is incomphresensible to me…

I think she TOTALY misses the point concerning Suz’s ‘anger’ and such, Suz addressed it all very well in her ‘true to my soul’ post…

Interestingly, Suz and I had a short convo last evening in reference to ‘battle lines’ being drawn and how you have this great ‘divide’…

It’s become apparent to me that IF one so chose, the adoption work can literally consume oneself, awhile back I asked a friend of Suz’s when we were in Philly, ‘how do you prevent this from taking over your life’?? ‘how do you make your present day family, relationships have meaning and instill in those people the love you have for them’, etc..

The response was ‘lots of support from friends, family and loved ones’…so it’s almost a paradox in a sense, the people who give you that support/love are the very same ones who you need to make sure you show/give them that same love and support back to…

I guess it all comes down to ‘balance’ and a ‘happy medium’…

Again, I can only speak from my perspective & my relationship with Suz but she does a fantastic job of ‘balancing’ things is my gut feeling…

This is to be expected (IMO) as giving up your child is a crime against nature and no amount of information can possibly truly prepare you for what comes after. Telling a mother she MIGHT feel some regret does nothing to tell her how that REGRET and agony really feels.

Additionally, my experience is so different from your sons mothers. Was she sent to a maternity home in 1986? Threatened with lawsuits? Had her parents sign a promisorry note? My anger is not the same as hers.

Do you read the blogs of moms that may be closer to your sons mothers age or experience? Perhaps Jenna or Nic?