"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do."
– Edward Everett Hale
Finally making progress on my AAC presentation. (Better late than never!). Margie did a great job with a rough draft and I am now creating our slides and adding my own content.
I was over thinking the entire thing. Not surprising. I do that. Analysis Paralysis.
It occurred to me that there might be one or even none in attendance. I went to an Adoption Crossroads Conference years ago and several speakers had one or two people in the room (and those attendees were friends of the speaker).
I decided to stop stressing about it all. Whatever will be will be.
I am telling my story up to surrender. I am talking religious influences, agency lack of ethics, promissory notes and threats of lawsuits. I will have exhibits and copies of actual documents (like a hand written profile on yellow lined paper that allegedly is the profile of my daughters adoptive parents). I am sharing the ONE document I ever signed or read that outlined my rights or the process. One. No lawyer, no statutes, no court appearances, no psychological counseling, just one unnotarized document signed by me, my mother and my case wrecker, Colleen. This one document contrasts sharply against the stack of information Margie was given and required to prep to prepare for her adoption.
Massive amounts of support and information was given to prepare Margie to parent someone elses child while nothing was given to me to parent my own.
Even more important, Margie had many resources to assist her with adoption and parenting. There was no one to assist me with psychological trauma caused by the forced surrender of my child.
While Margie welcomed her infants into her arms, I considered slitting my wrists. While Margie had follow ups by agencies and lawyers and friends, no one checked on me. The agency that committed to sending me pictures on a regular basis refused to take my calls and offered no assistance to me in my delicate mental state.
Contrast and compare.
I am doing surprisingly well with it all. I had thought about writing my daughter and advising her, maybe even indirectly asking permission. I did not. She wont answer. I wrote her to ask if I could send her a birthday present and she failed to answer. I doubt highly she would answer if I told her about my conference.
And so I march onward.