"Fear follows crime and is its punishment. – Voltaire
If you are a parent, a mother or a father, I want you to do the following:
- Go alone into a dark corner of your home. A closet would be good.
- Shut yourself in there. Make sure it is dark. Make sure there is no one around and you cannot hear or see anything.
- Pause a few minutes to get acclimated to the dark. Listen to your own heart beat. Become aware that you are alone and no one knows you are in there.
- Now, visualize one of your children in your mind. If you have several, choose your youngest child preferably an infant
- Think of the childs face, their body, their sounds, their eyes. Ponder them for a few deep seconds.
- Now visualize yourself taking that child to a public place. A mall would be a great place to visualize. Visualize your local mall that you shop at reguarly. Full of strangers, noise and hidden dangers.
- If you are visualizing your infant, imagine carrying that Graco carrier inside the mall.
- Go up an escalator to the Food Court.
- Look around. Listen.
- Put your child down on a table.
- Look at all the strangers around you.
- Turn around and leave. No, no, dont take your child.
- Leave your child on the table.
- Go. Now. Leave.
- Ignore that crying you hear. Ignore the calls for Mommy or Daddy. Just go. NOW!
- Dont look back.
- Dont worry about your child. Dont worry, some stranger, completely unknown to you, will come and retrieve your child. You wont know the strangers name and you will never know what happened to your child.
- But go.
- Keep walking.
- While you are walking away, smile. Pretend you just did something wonderful.
Have you lost your breath? Are you freaking out at the visualization? Do you feel compelled to run out of that closet and go hug that child you had just visualized abandoning?
Do you find it sick that I would suggest such a thing?
Yet I wonder why we continue to tell mothers to abandon their children, tell them it will be a good thing, and tell them to walk away and smile.
That panic you felt?
I and many other mothers live with that every day of our lives.
Think back on the panicky feeling and wonder how you would ever function with that level of anxiety and terror.
Think about that the next time you say adoption is good and wonderful and a win/win for all.