Reunions Rising

"But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine."
– Paul Smon

Two of my closest natural mom friends have made significant progress in relation to their reunions.

One mom has been approached by the aMom and asked for a meeting. Their shared son is not yet 13. My friend is anxious with excitement. I am quite confident she will do just fine. She is a wonderful strong caring woman. She is an angel on earth to me and one of the greatest survivors I have ever met. She inspires me daily.

Mom Number Two found her son on Friday and is meeting him today. Today is his birthday. Her first contact with him was via phone and she wished him Happy Birthday for the first time since they parted. She spoke with his aMom and aMom invited first mom down to have birthday dinner with them!!! They are six hours apart. My friend is now driving to see her son for the first time in many years.

I am so happy for both my friends for this amazing progress they both have or will make. I am so impressed with their strength and direct approach.

Naturally, with the yin comes the yang for me.

I am envious of their success and questioning my own approach once again.

I have never spoken to my daughter on the phone. We have never met face to face. She made it clear from the beginning of our correspondence three years ago she did not want to meet and I never pushed. It has been two years since I have suggested meeting or talking. My belief is that I was respecting a boundary. That pushing or demanding meeting or talking was not appropriate.

I cannot help but wonder if she puts up walls not to keep people out but to see who is strong enough to break them down? Did I make a mistake?

Regardless, three cheers for my two friends with their pending reunions. Love you both!

5 Thoughts.

  1. You know I feel your pain and at the same time such happiness for the others.
    Each reunion, another victory…

  2. Congrats to your friends for their nascent reunions!
    Re: your possible “mistake” – I think not. Personally, I think it’s best to honor a boundary when one is laid down for you, if for no other reason than to demonstrate your own ability to respect others’ boundaries. And as a former champion wall-builder, I also think those of us who use that defense mechanism need to be held accountable for it if/when we use it as a test — it’s not an optimal way to go through life, and sooner or later we have to take responsibility for owning our own fear and finding better ways to balance our needs for intimacy and self-protection. Doesn’t matter how we got hurt or what sparked that defensive streak in us; just matters than eventually we find a way to take down walls we don’t want and stop building them between us and those we don’t truly want to keep at bay. That’s a personal healing, which only we can do for ourselves.
    And if we really do want to keep someone at bay, we’re also responsible for owning that and communicating it. Hence my own appreciation for those who honor a communicated boundary, even if I build it from faulty perception.
    You’re always going to be available to your daughter if she reaches out to you, Suz. That’s very clear from your writing, and sounds like you’ve been very clear in letting her know that. Take care of YOU! Your daughter sounds like she’s trying to take care of herself, so you should do no less for YOURself.

  3. We first moms doubt our every step after that one fatal one, which wasn’t even our own step. It takes a lifetime to get our confidence back.
    I’ve probably said it before: your daughter is still young. She will likely change her mind, surely she will grow, maybe she won’t get it until she has a child. But I believe with all my heart it will happen.
    (((HUGS)))
    And congrats to your mom friends.

  4. I will never ever forget the first time my son spent the night under my roof and the first time I made him a sandwich. I wish your friends well, they are embarking on quite a journey.
    Keep the faith Suz. But I too wonder sometimes if the walls are just there to see who will knock ’em down. It is very complicated. I think you are doing the right thing for now.
    Kris

  5. Happy reunions to all.
    I just wonder why some and not others? I cant believe the wall thing. I have to believe there is a selfishness in the person who more than likely is just to busy with their own life. A young person today can be very moody. And one day, I believe your daughter will settle in when its her time.

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