“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” – J. Donald Walters
Do I practice blog denial? I don’t think I do. In fact, I think some might argue I probably should.
Blog denial is unauthentic blogging. Maybe you embellish your life and make it better than it is. Maybe you tell half truths or even outright lies. Maybe you hold back to the good stuff. Maybe you do all this and more so you can be liked, or popular, or to convince yourself your life is something that it is not. You might even be like one major corporation that set up a completely bogus blog and planted erroneous information to improve the bottom line.
Do I engage in the practice?
Maybe and maybe not and maybe if I do it is okay consider the topic usually at hand.
I can tell you this:
I leave out HUGE amounts of information about my story. This is absolutely done with intent. The primary reason is to protect two parties – my daughter and her father. The second reason is that I have this crazy idea that someday I will really write it all down in some incredibly fabulous and tear jerking book and I don’t want to give it all away here!
I have been told I share too much. That to me is not a statement that supports blog denial.
I filter my writing not only for my daughter and her father but other mothers and children. I don’t get my emotional freak on and trash people and vomit all over my blog in a really crazy psychotic manner (do I?). I could if I wanted to but I don’t want to. Not only is it not my style but I find those blogs scary. No matter how truthful they may be, not matter how justified those people are in their feelings, and with full realization it is their blog I still worry that it is so public.
If an adoptee thinking about finding her mother stumbles upon my blog I don’t want her to get the opinion that all mothers are crazy, psychotic, hateful, vengeful, bitter women. I don’t want to be the reason an adoptee doesn’t reach out to her mother. If anything, I would want to be the reason she does. I say this because I know it can happen. I know you can absorb the feelings of others and make them your own. I know you can erroneously assume that your child will be like that mean crazy adoptee in East Bumphuck.
I thank gods I don’t believe in daily that I have had the benefit of my ehbabes group . They have shown me that adoptees can be equal parts angry and hurt as well as have compassion and caring and longing for their mothers. I am not sure I would have come to this conclusion if I did not have those adoptees to balance the less compassionate adoptees I stumbled upon via the Net.
I am fairly well read on these topics. What about the mothers or adoptees who aren’t? What about the first mom in Grand Forks who comes out of the fog she has been living in and the first blog that shows up on her google search is some first mom hater? Would that mom want to find her child? Or might she assume, erroneously, that all adoptees hate their first mothers and don’t want to be found?
I have a friend who disagrees with me but I believe as someone who blogs publicly, I owe something to present and future moms and adoptees n reunion. I owe them truth and honesty with some degree of compassion. I owe it to them to show a balanced view of the good and bad. Now, it can be argued all I have done is whine about my bad. Maybe. Maybe not. Even still, I believe I have been fairly transparent and honest but again maybe not. Maybe holding back (with intent) on some stuff is not presenting a true, full, image.
I don’t know.
I do know I have been thinking about it and will continue to do so.