She Wrote Me

"Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.” –  Mahatma Ghandi

I heard from my daughter last night.

I had written to her to share a situation I thought she should know about and she wrote me back

Its been almost a year since I had heard from her.

I don’t want to get much into the exchange. It was tough and emotional and typical adoption reunion correspondence.

I am still processing and I am aching a bit. I am raw.

She asked that if I reference our correspondence that I use her own words and not paraphrase. Specifically, she asked me to use her email unedited and paste it here.

I am not comfortable at this time doing that. I feel protective of her and protective of me. I fear that if I shared her words those that love and support me would feel need to defend me and attack her. I don’t want or need that. Her words were honest, raw, emotional, painful, well written, thoughtful, and more. Her feelings are justified considering she is ultimate victim in this adoption nightmare. I am thankful she shared them with me. She is truly amazing. She is tough but amazing and I am proud of her. (As I write that, I am reminded of my own mother. I suspect my own mother would say the same about me. Many of my daughters traits, her honesty, her candidness, her awareness, is tough to handle. I have been told the same about myself and I KNOW I have given my mother more than her share of challenges.)

As such, I will not say much at this time.

I will say that I am very grateful for the blogs and friendship of many adoptees – specifically Joy and StillBorn. I have found you both to be the most raw, articulate, pained adoptees I know and that is likely because something in your written expression reminds me of my daughter. I randomly add and remove Joy and StillBorn from my blog reader as there are times where their pain, their words, is just too much for me to bear. However, last night and this a.m, I found comfort in those words and your experiences. So thank you for sharing.

Also thank you to Margie and my friend Jean for being there for me as well. It is intersting that in my anxiety, confusion and such last night and this a.m, it was the two of them – an adoptive mom and an adoptee – that I reached out to.

I did share my daughters email with Margie and she had some comforting words to share in return. And my Jean, well, she will forever be in my heart and someone special to me. She has her own mama now and I have my daughter but we will forever have our own sort of unique mom/daughter/female/sister relationship.

Many thanks again to Joy, StillBorn, Margie and Jean for being here virtually or online the past twenty four hours.

18 Thoughts.

  1. I don’t need to know what [she] wrote to you, Suz. Just happy that she communicated with you!!!
    As a side note…How does [she] know that you don’t use her actual emails when speaking of something that she wrote? Does she read your blogs and such????
    (comment edited by suz to remove identifying information)

  2. Deb – I meant to note in the post. She spent several hours last night reading this blog. It is the first time she has. She indicated she lurked and then “threw up” (I dont know if that threw up was figuratively, emotionally, physically or what.)

  3. Suz because your feeds only show the first snip of your posts, all I saw was the title and quote in my reader, and I immediately burst into tears.
    I really love you, and hope you’re OK

  4. No thanks needed, Suz, I’m just glad I was helpful.
    Much more to write later to you on this, but right now want to give you a (((((((hug))))))).

  5. erm, you are welcome I think.
    I am glad you heard from your daughter, I am glad your daughter is being honest with you, there is no point in relating to another dishonestly.

  6. I said it in private and I’ll say it again here. This feels like a turning point for you and your daughter. At last, more honest dialogue than you’ve ever had! As emotionally wrenching as it will surely be, it will be worth it. (((HUGS)))

  7. OMG SUZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO happy for you. I understand the content of the email may not be comforting or ‘good’ as such, but at the same time I know that what you always wanted was honest communication. Am thinking about you.
    So glad I’ve been stopping by your blog a lot lately, I would have hated to miss out on all this.
    xoxoxoxo.

  8. Ohh Suz, I forgot to say, I think your daughter may have literally thrown up. When I got off the phone to my birthmother for the firs time I threw up, repeatedly.

  9. Love ya as always! You have been in my thoughts every day as you have been going through all this “moving/grad/transition” stuff. I do hope this her way of opening the lines of communication.
    Kristy

  10. I woke up this morning still thinking of your new communication. Thrilled!!! The BEST to both of you.

  11. Suz: I was off for two days. Catching up on this one is amazing. I dont have to know the words, the action is enough. I hope there will be more to come for you.

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