“So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?” – Ayn Rand
A friend sent me an article regarding Ohio legislators considering expenses paid to expectant mothers. Apparently several agencies and prospective adopters are complaining about their inability to properly coerce, ahem, I mean, support the expectant mothers.
Ohio legislators must be smoking something. If they aren’t, perhaps they are being wooed by the likes of Seymour Kurtz and his associates. Maybe someone in the Ohio government is having a hard time adopting.
The idea of adoptive parents or attorneys providing funds to expectant mothers before, during or after birth is to me highly unethical. It creates a coercive and intimidating situation.
It is not support money. It is insurance. Money used to guarantee the expectant mother surrenders. Money used to intimidate her and remind her of what she doesn’t have and those lovely adopters do. Money used to prove how worthy prospective adopters are of her child and she is not. Money used to keep her on a lower rung and those lovely adopters on a higher rung. Money used to buy the baby before it is even born. It is a security deposit.
Oh, sure, individuals will hide behind gooey altruistic statements that suggest they are just helping some poor mother. More often than not, they are helping themselves. For when that mother they helped decides to keep her child, do they congratulate her and wish her well? No. They scream fraud and scamming and raise holy hell that they did not get the baby. They never cared about the mother. They only cared about the baby she would give birth to. The baby they could then take, rename and whisk away to the burbs to act "as if born to".
There should be no funds at all.
By no means am I suggesting an expectant mother in need of assistance should be forgotten. I am not. I am however suggesting those funds should come from someone other than those that stand to profit off of a possible adoption transaction. State welfare, an individual organization, a friend, a family member, someone with NO vested interest in the child being born should help that mother.
Not the salivating agencies, attorneys and adoptive parents.
Frankly, I am quite surprised the problems inherent in providing money to expectant mothers is lost on some folks.
Money creates a situation where mothers can be coerced and intimidated. I know, I was one of them. Prior to being sent from my family home in CT to the lovely State of IL, my mother signed a document obligating her to pay the agency back for any services rendered to me prior to surrender. My mother insists the document said $200. Funny how that number changed once the agency got me away from my parents, into a maternity home, and under their control. Even though I was required to work in the home and pay for my rent there, they claimed my rent was subsidized by them. They further said that the lunches the caseworker paid for when she met with me were considered advanced funds. Some might consider the caseworker visits and such a cost of doing business. Not so for Easter House. There was a return on investment expected. And lets not forget those regular doctor appts at St. Josephs Hospital. Someone had to pay.
I paid with my child.
When I, weeks before birth, told my caseworker that I wanted to keep my daughter she not so gently reminded me of the promissory note my parents signed and informed me if I attempted to keep my child I, and my parents, would be sued. She further reminded me that I had caused my parents enough trouble, hadn’t I?
It was made clear to me that due to the monies advanced to me in the form of support and housing, I was morally and legally obligated to surrender my child – against my will – to the agency. Lacking any legal counsel, being isolated with my only contact being with the agency that stood to profit from the sale of my child, I surrendered.
I wonder if my daughters adoptive parents knew how their dreams came true?
Money creates a situation for agencies and adoptive parents to be scammed. Again, Easter House in IL was known for providing monies, paying for rent and groceries for expectant mothers. Not surprisingly, scammers got wind of this took advantage of EH. While I don’t shed a tear for the likes of EH, the situation can and does happen over and over gain. Agencies and adoptive parents that provide funds are just asking for it.
An adoptive family I know in NY purchased their child from a Kurtz agency. The infant was born in AZ, surrendered to one Kurtz agency and adopted through a second Kurtz agency in GA and then placed with the family in NY. The State of NY stalled the finalization of the adoption due the unusually high fees that were being charged to the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents did not question it. They would have paid anything to get a baby. Furthermore, they were told the high fees went to the mothers care.
I know the mother in this example. The mother never received a cent from the agency. The high fees went to line the agency pockets. The adoptive mother is still angry about this and her child is now an adult.
Money creates pricing structures. How do you decide what to advance? Do black moms get more or less money? What do you pay for? What do you not pay for? What if the mother keeps her child? Does she have to refund the monies provided to her? And since she was probably considering adoption due to poverty, how exactly is she supposed to do that? And if she then runs or refuses to pay, do you then file lawsuit against her and dig up her past and her poverty and claim she is unfit so you can get that baby for sale?
What amount is given? Does it vary by state? By situation (how poor is the mother REALLY?) Perhaps it depends on what color her child will be. It is widely documented that white children fetch more on the open market. Do white expectant mothers get more money since their "product" can likely be sold for more money?
No monies. No buying and selling babies.
Organizations, individuals, families should help expectant mothers. I have done it three times myself and two children remain with their mothers and one was surrendered to a kinship adoption.
And I would do it again in a heart beat.
Do you want to adopt a child or extort one?