“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.” – William Ward
I egosurfed the other day. The reason why is for another post.
Much to my surprise I came across a response to a comment I left for author/doctor Phil Zimbardo. I had read and greatly enjoyed his book in December. It touched me so deeply I had to leave him a comment on it. I never went back to check on it.
I did today. Again, I am touched. I am working on it, Dr. Z. I really am working on it.
As I told my friend Mo yesterday, I am getting closer and closer to believing I did nothing wrong in getting pregnant by a man I loved with all my heart. I did nothing wrong by giving birth to a beautiful girl. I did nothing wrong in her adoption surrender. What was DONE to BOTH of us by others was VERY wrong but we are not wrong. I am getting closer to believing that.
Notes like this from a respected author and doctor help me on that journey.
Letters like yours make my efforts so much more worthwhile and will keep me going when things get tough.
That decision you made as a young girl was not out of your free will, it was determined,controlled, seduced out of you by a System with many seemingly good people working in complicity to achieve their goal — of getting a baby to sell and not having to deal with your issues directly.
It is sad that you lost your child and sadder that you have had to suffer so long from the guilt of a decision that was systemic and not dispositionally generated.
I love the Nietzsche quote, did not know it but will use it in my lectures.
It is time for you to take joy in your life, to put the past in its proper place and become an ordinary hero focusing on helping others in whatever way your talents and energy lead you.
It is also time for scarred hearts to heal and become vibrant. OK??