Tolstoy on Adoption Reunion

"I think that the majority of messages are validating
messages to confirm the survival of conscious. And many times that
validation message is negative or sad."

– John Edward

This weekend I completed my reading of Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Meth Addiction by David Sheff. Good stuff.  I have family members that are addicts and alcoholics. It is not an easy life for the addicted or their families. David gave the families a voice in his book. I recommend it.  (I also recommend Into the Wild by John Krakauer. Read that one a few days ago). I am going to lend it to my  mother. I hope she reads it. She has gone through hell caring for (and at times enabling) two of her children. I suspect she will find much validation in the Sheff story.

I was surprised (okay, maybe not) to think about adoption through it.  I have a great many thoughts ruminating as a result of this book read but had to share one quote from the book. It is  a quote from Tolstoy.

Captured so neatly in this quote is the exact feeling of my reunion (and probably many others):

"One moment a spark of hope gleams, a sea of despair rages; and always, the pain, the pain, always the anguish, the same thing on and on." from Death of Ivan Ilych by Leo Tolstoy

This is the second time this phrase captured me. I read Death of Ivan Ilych a month or so ago.  At that time I underlined the entire passage in the story. 

That is adoption reunion. Hope gleaming. hope found in an email, in one word, in a photograph, in a kind gesture.  Riding along side the hope is the despair, the pain. the anguish.

The same thing on and on.

4 Thoughts.

  1. I loved Into The Wild. I had read it several years back and then again earlier this year. I have the movie on my Netflix list.
    I also bought You Remind Me of Me but haven’t started it yet.

  2. When I read the title of this book at first I just cried. I cry for all of them to what there are no answers to. When drugs are involved the whole family suffers. I know of no other intense pain to live through an addict who can’t find his way out. They are the lost souls and every day of their lives is given to find the next high. It is a parents worse nightmare.
    My son didnt make it and at his funeral the background music of the song “Beautiful Boy” played on. However, people want to find the reasons and excuses as to what caused his son to look for drugs they want to blame the family. Who did what wrong and varying reasons that led Nic to dependency. It may not have been no reasons at all. More importantly, this book should not be a good bedside read as some reviews write. To those who have no idea that this really happens in todays world I am glad that this dad showed awareness of a major crisis in this society. If you take the drug dealer away, they will keep finding new ones there are always many. But we must keep on trying for every soul that you may save, is just one more young adult that is not 6′ underground.
    Ref: Beautiful boy a fathers journal…

  3. I’ve been wanting to read Beautiful Boy and just have to buy it on Amazon…I lived through watching my Mom watch my brother battle addiction – to be honest, almost harder to watch then watching my brother himself. I still live with the horrible shame of the day I unknowingly participated in his addiction as an enabler…
    Thanks for the recommendation. Hopefully it will push me to buy the items in my Amazon Shopping Cart.

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