"Graduation is only a concept. In real life every day you graduate.
Graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life.
If you can grasp that, you’ll make a difference. ~Arie Pencovici"
She will graduate from college this Spring.
It has been on my mind a lot. I have been pondering if I should send a gift. Should I send the gift I think I want to send?
Her graduation is a big milestone. For her, graduation marks the culmination of four years of hard work. For her parents it marks the end of 40K a year in tuition bills. For me it means she completed college.
For that was the purpose of abandoning her, right? She could go to college. I could never have provided that. Only adoptive parents can. (Does that mean my sons can’t go?). Yes, I was told that. They rubbed in my face very chance they got that I was poor at that time and made me believe I would be poor FOREVER. The adopters wealth was marched out in front of my poor pregnant tuckus at every possible opportunity.
Don’t I want my baby to have all those thing that only money could buy? Huh? Huh? Dontcha? A good mother would give her baby away to wealthy people who can give her all the things a poor mother cannot. Don’t you want to be a good mother? Here, sign here.
As her graduation approaches, I find myself wondering if it was worth it. Was her college education worth the price of my soul? Did her tuition add up to all the monies I have spent on therapy since the day I lost her? Does she wake in the morning and say "Well, my mother left me with strangers but LOOKEE HERE I have my Bachelors degree. Lucky lucky me! I am so fortunate my mother abandoned me all in the name of my college education!"
I am going to guess she doesn’t. But who knows, I could be totally wrong.
I was then.