"I’d much rather be known as some curvy Kate than as some skinny stick". – Kate Winslet
A few months back I met a lovely gent and began crushing on him (refer to other post). I shared my crush with my friends from my ehbabes yahoogroups list. I think many of the ladies there were enjoying my adventure more than I was. They are a great bunch of women and have been a huge source of support to me over the years of my reunion, my divorce and my daily trials and tribulations. They enjoyed hearing my crush reports.
The first time my crush and I met in person, these same ladies were sending me text messages and emails wanting situation reports. It was quite amusing. I had ladies all over the United States waiting with baited breath for details on my dating life. It got so extreme that even my crush would regularly remind me to check in with the ladies and make sure they were okay with how things were going.
My crush was as expected. Charming, intelligent, attractive, witty and well, um, thin. Yes, that is correct – thin. This man is in excellent shape and probably has a negative body fat percentage. By no means do I point that out to denigrate my friend. As noted, he was (and still is) quite charming. It was clearly without question – my issue.
I have had body issues my entire life. I have always been a big, curvy girl. I am what my black friends call "thick". The men I have married, dated or had sexual relations with usually have been football player build. I never dated a thin man. (Do thin men date thick women? Do they vomit at the sight of us? Are they grossed out by large breasts? Wow, could I hurt him during sex? Should I take bottom and not top?). Yes, I actually thought these things. My anxiety went into overload but I did my best not to show that to my friend.
I did however share my discomfort with my girls online. Many could relate. Some told me to stop being silly. Others remained silent. Most of them asked if I had discussed it with my friend. I told them I would not.
My position was that men despise women who are insecure about themselves physically and those who need constant reassurance of her beauty. (And if men don’t despise that, I certainly do.) I did not want to appear as the needy, insecure "Do I look fat in this?" kind of woman. Furthermore, I feared it might even be offensive to my friend. I might be implying (without any advance knowledge) that he preferred waifs. I decided it was my issue and until I felt, clearly from him that he had an issue, I was not going to discuss it. Furthermore, he had indeed seen pictures of me. If he was disgusted by the curvy girl stature, he had ample time to decide not to meet me in person.
Still, I discussed with my girlfriends and one friend, a larger lady herself married to a very thin man, finally piped up. She chimed in with her own insecurities early on in her relationship with her now husband and we got to talking. She told me that her husband was actually worried about HIS weight and that he would be too thin and that women like "big men with muscles". At a point in a conversation thread with my girls, I mentioned that my friends physical size seemed to magnify my own insecurities and jokingly referred to him as a Shrinky Dink compared to me.
My friend apparently bust out laughing at her home over a thousand miles away when I referred to shrinky dinks. I thought perhaps she did not know what shrinky dinks were (she is in the Midwest) so I clarified what I meant. She did indeed understand. Perhaps she got a visual of me dating a literal shrinky dink. Taking it to Starbucks or out to the local tavern. Carrying it in my pocket and taking it out to introduce to friends. I don’t know.
Right after Christmas, I go to the post office and am pleased to find a card and a small gift from the same friend. Inside the envelope are two hand made shrinky dink ornaments with pictures of myself and my friend on them. The card read "Here you go! Now you are the same size!
I have subsequently told her we are only friends now but she told me to keep them regardless.
(For Mama2Roo’s benefit, this post is indeed adoption based since my male friend is an adoptive dad and my girlfriend is a first mom in reunion. Hee hee. Told you I could keep it all adoption.)