“Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third” – Marge Piercy
This will be my third Christmas in reunion with my daughter. It will be the first holiday that I will not mail her a gift.
This is paining me a bit.
It feels wrong and awkward and I keep fighting my natural maternal instinct to pick her up something and mail it to her. She has very similar tastes in things. I always enjoyed shopping for her.
But I won’t be shopping this year.
I sent her a gift in June and she had a very negative, passive aggressive reaction to it. She refused it but did not tell me she refused it and when I discovered it and asked her about it, she became angry with me and made it all my fault for sending it to her.
I attempted to discuss it with her, she became angrier. I asked her to tell me if she preferred not to receive gifts fro m me and if she needed to set that boundary I would respect it. I further told her that if she did not answer me I was going to take that as an affirmative response and that she was uncomfortable to tell me that.
She did not answer me.
As I had indicated, I took that to mean I should not send. I confirmed one more time that I would not be sending a gift and while that made me sad, I would respect what appeared to be her wishes.
So I am not sending anything and it makes me sad. I saw some great things I would have purchased. I even made a few things I would have sent.
If it is true that it is the thought that counts, I hope she knows that I am thinking of her and that I wish her a happy holiday season.