Tortoise and The Hare

It is not by muscle, speed, or physical dexterity that great things are achieved, but by reflection, force of character, and judgment” – Marcus Telius Cicero

Got into a bit of a row with a coworker today.

Not surprisingly this coworker is an older adoptive parent. Through the grapevine of the corporate office, he had heard that I was involved in adoption reform and they came to discuss it with me.

He did not really want to discuss it. He wanted to tell me how stupid I was and that there is no need for reform. He believes adoption is a wonderful “Christian” thing to do for "unwanted" children. Its “gods plan “ after all.

I caught onto his position pretty quickly and realized I wasn’t going to be very successful in our discussion. I am pretty good at reading those that have an open mind and are willing to consider other points of view and those that just want to shove theirs down your throat.

This gent was a shover.

But alas, I shoved back.

The end of conversation:

Him: “I find your attitude to be disturbing. For you to suggest we should not adopt unwanted children is horrible”

Me: “You clearly misunderstood me. I support adoption as a last resort. I prefer all avenues be explored for family preservation. I also believe in open records, kinship adoption or legal guardianship.”

Him: “Oh, but that would take too long and cost too much money. The quickest solution is to have the children adopted. Why bother with all the work when you can easily place children with an infertile couple?”.

Me: “Quickest and cheapest?  Is that how you parent your adopted children? Quick and cheap? That is such a uniquely lazy American perspective. Instant gratification at the lowest cost possible, right? And if we can so easily place children why do we have so many children in foster care?”

Him : “That’s not what I was suggesting but I can understand why you heard that”

Me: “You know this war we have going in the Middle East?  Why are we bothering? So expensive, it’s taking so long. I think we should have saved our money and just dropped a bomb on Iraq, don’t you think? That would have been quicker and saved us lots of money. And if we got lucky maybe we could kill Osama at the same time?”

At this point he gives me a quizzical, almost frightened look, and walks away.

I was glad he did.

10 Thoughts.

  1. I like my adoption like I like my men — quick and cheap! Ok, that’s not true about adoption or men for me but I thought it sounded funny. I’m going to make it a t-shirt and wear it everywhere so everyone will know that I support adoption during this, National Adoption Awareness month. All to the glory of god! Yeehaw!

  2. Recently in an exchange of emails with an adoptive mom, I mentioned (nicely) that the loss of my son to adoption had been a painful lifelong event for me. She said that she was “confident that my baby received everything that I desired for it.”
    Mind you, this is only the second email we had exchanged. First, she assumed that my child was still a baby – he’s 38 years old. More importantly, she assumed that since I placed him for adoption, it would all work out for the best, and he’d have everything he needed (except me, of course.)
    My son has had a good life, but had I raised him he’d have had that too. Somehow, the idea of unnecessary adoptions is a concept hard for many to grasp. People would rather think that adoption ALWAYS saves children.
    That jerk of a guy was probably quizzical because he did not expect a birth parent to have a brain. Stupid uneducated people are everywhere! Good that you stood up to him and gave him something to ponder.

  3. go suz!!! shove back!! you might reach somebody with something and then it’s worth it right??
    lol don’t listen to me, i get in trouble for “shoving back” all the time… my EMT partner tends to quote “If it felt good coming out, it was probably the wrong thing to say.”
    no but seriously, you have something intelligent to say, and you say it, and you make us all proud. The reform-adoption world is LUCKY to have you in it, as much as you might wish you didn’t have to be.

  4. Oh man.
    It must be offend coworkers with truthful adoption statements month. Had something similar (though more mild) happen last week.
    ((Hugs))
    Thanks for trying, Suz. Seriously. At least you got it on his radar screen.

  5. Good on you Suz! It really must be say the wrong thing to people who support adoption month. Same thing happened to me last week, but um yeah I was much worse than you.. But the stupid git deserved what I said !

  6. Holy crap!! I’m like twirling I’m so mad reading this.
    First, what the (^#%$^& did this guy think he was doing approaching you in the first place? Hasn’t he figured out that talking about religion in a workplace is a no no? And what business is it of his what your relationship to adoption is?
    There’s something in the air or water this week, I think. Everywhere I go in blogland I’m stepping in stuff like this. It’s like the a-parents are drinking the adoption month Kool-Aid and are our evangelizing. Scary!
    And I tip my hat to your coolness, I’m sure if it had been I would have resorted to physical violence early on.
    Wow. Wow. Wow.

  7. Hi, Suz. Good for you, for not being bullied.
    For the group, in my own religious and socially radical discussions that sometimes crop up at work against all good judgment, I have considered keeping a form on hand that would read: “Subject: conversation voluntarily entered upon by ___________ and ___________ on (date).
    Notice: My views on the matter of __________________ may be offensive to some. By entering into this conversation, you acknowledge this fact and accept all attendant risks. If at any time you wish to end the conversation, you are free to walk away, or change to a safe subject. No hard feelings. (Signed)/(co-signed)”

  8. Oh god. How is it that the world is full of SO many stupids. Love your style :D.
    Annnnd gave I got the BEST story for you Suz, will tell it to you in an email v. soon. It’s pure awesome-ness.

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