Silent Stupidity

Queensryche, one of my favorite bands, has a song titled "Silent Lucidity". Its good. You should check it out.

I thought of it today when I thought of my own Silent Stupidity.  I want to write my daughter a letter. Just chatter. Whats going on with her brothers, about my novel writing course, my latest hair color, general family news.

But I cannot.

I am afraid.

She wont appreciate it. It will make her mad. It will make her be mean to me again.

How stupid am I?

To be afraid of my own child?

So yeah, silent stupidity.

10 Thoughts.

  1. If I understand the situation correctly, you have not been outright rejected — just ignored (not that to use “just” lightly, ignored hurts). From what I’ve heard re: the ignored, sending a note every now and then to those who would ignore us is a good thing. As in I’m still here, still thinking of you. Light stuff, like what you said, your hair color, your writing class, her brothers’ news. No I hope hear from you, stuff like that. No pressure. I would do it. Who cares how she receives it. It’s simply proof that you intend to make a connection, that you’re not going away (as in, like you did before). I’m sure I said before, your daughter is so young, and of course still very attached to the a-parents. It might not be until she has a child herself that she truly gets it. You may have a long wait ahead, but it will be worth it. I say, keep being there, even if only on the fringes.

  2. You write really well about this subject. There is a girl who writes on her blog, Grumpapotamus, about her experiences as an adoptee. Usually you don’t have many birth mothers writing.

  3. Hee! Hattie, AKA Motherpie, mentioned me! I really write about adoption on my adopt-o-centric blog now.
    I agree, send her a letter just letting her know what’s going on and that you’re thinking of her. She may very well be experiencing some loyalty issues. Maybe it would help to ask how her adoptive family is, and let her know you’re thinking about her.

  4. I think you should send the note. She may never change, and that is o.k. At least you know she is alive and well.
    Linda

  5. I agree with the other commenters, Suz. I think you should send the note. Even if she doesn’t appreciate it now, she will as she grows and begins to see you only mean to keep loving her.

  6. Yeah, Suz. Baby steps. Little nudges, gradually open…
    Just let her know you love her, that you’re there. The junk, ignoring, rejecting — the junk rolls away. And you’re still loving her.
    HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

  7. Yeah, Suz. Baby steps. Little nudges, gradually open…
    Just let her know you love her, that you’re there. The junk, ignoring, rejecting — the junk rolls away. And you’re still loving her.
    HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

  8. hey Suz. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m going to be writing a letter to my daughters’ adoptive parents in December. I am expecting to be rejected.
    If you do write a letter… I got some advice to send it registered certified, so that the person you send it to has to sign it directly, and then we get a copy of that signature. I know you probably know she will get it… But I don’t know… having the signature of the adoptive parents’ for me, would feel like another missing piece found.
    Good luck.

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