Now You See It, Now You Don't

“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.” – Frank Herbert

No. You are not crazy. There was a post here earlier about mothers and children denying each other. I got paranoid and deleted it.

Its been a rough few days for me in the adoption world. Drama with friends, lists, and yeah, my daughter.

Drama with her always leaves me feeling beat. So emotionally drained and beat. It takes me days to recover. Not unlike if I had been physically beat. I am withdrawn, confused, weepy, tired, cannot focus yet I cannot sleep.

Even though some clarity and understanding came from it, I still feel beat. Like having a surgery to correct a physical problem, you feel sore after it even if the problem has been resolved.

I am also interviewing for new jobs (same company, similar jobs, different divisions) and its tough to be at the top of your game when your heart and soul is at their lowest and weakest. Tough to talk communications, adult learning styles, marcom, graphic design, writing samples and such when you momentarily forget where you are and who you are talking to.

I want to write about the drama but I must process it for a few days and find the right words and creative ways to express it without violating her privacy or being too open.

I can say one thing.

She may dispute it and deny it, but she is my daughter.

4 Thoughts.

  1. You will be in my thoughts as you process this stuff. I can’t imagine that it’s easy and, frankly, I don’t look forward to any of it (though, realistically, I know to expect it).
    If you need someone to talk to, hit me up on e-mail. Hang in.

  2. Suz: They say you can hear a thousand words, but few will “stick”. Each time you touch that hot stove it is going to burn. You can do no more. Hopefully, the need to save yourself and the boys before you can no longer function. Dig down deep there is more you will find the strength. That is a dark place to be in. You can do it, write the positive exit for your survival.

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