Strength in Numbers

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." – Anais Nin

At ehbabes, we have been rather successful in our searches and reunions.  I would never take credit for this. It is clearly a group effort. All our shared information of our experiences, details, tactics, etc. have enabled all of us to put the pieces together and find our children.

I have been amazed at the tenacity of many of our family members. The simplest details allowed them to find their mothers or children.

Consider:

  • Lori – Immediately after surrendering her child, she went to the Vital Statistics and gets a copy of child’s original unamended birth certificate. She had this for years. She had no idea how valuable that was until she told me about it. Her child was in their late 20s when she searched. Since she had the original BC number, she and a contact of mine were able to find her child overnight.
  • CeeCee – Ceese obtained  non id from the agency.  The “id” stuff was whited out and the original document copied. Ceese analyzed the loops of handwriting below and above the white out portions and was able to deduce the town her mother was from and other details. Using classmates.com and other sites, she found her. Through handwriting analysis!
  • Sarah – In the early 80s, the agency gave Sarah a handwritten profile of her child’s adoptive family. Unknown to the agency (at least she thinks) the last name was also listed.  Sarah never trusted that her child actually went to that family  but when she went to search, she used that last name, her child’s DOB, the State of NJ (where huge concentrations of EH adoptees were placed) and guess what? She found her child.
  • JJ – JJ found her mother via adoption.com reunion registry.  Simple as looking up her own DOB, there was a listing from her mother. I helped JJ confirm the match. Positive!
  • George – George had his adoption decree and his some degree of non-id from his adoptive parents. He had his original last name and his mothers DOB.  Using Ameridex, we found her. They have been in reunion for two years.
  • Linda – Linda had her adoption decree that indicated her original last name. She knew her mothers approximate DOB and the state she resided in.  Again, Ameridex gave us a few hits. A few phone calls and google searches later, Linda found her mom.
  • Patsy – Patsy pestered the agency for weeks to get non-id from them.  When it was finally provided to her, it contained her mothers DOB and a name fragment. Again, hello Ameridex.
  • DeeDee – DeeDee had been given non id by the agency. The information indicated that the adoptive dad was a bus driver. Using her child’s DOB and the knowledge that most of the agency adoptees were place on the East Cost, DeeDee targeted women in the NYC area. DeeDee felt the adopters lived in a large city based on the bus driver description and other details. She was correct. DeeDee found her child outside NYC.
  • Babette – Babettes aparents had been given their childs mothers full name and DOB.  Can we say how easy this is?  Within a matter of hours, Babettes mom was located, the match confirmed and the following weekend Babette and her adoptive mother flew out to meet Babettes first family.
  • Layla – Layla, an adoptive mom, was left alone in the adoption lawyer’s office. She peeked at the papers on his desk and saw her daughter’s mothers full name and DOB. She kept it for years and when her daughter was of age, helped her search and we found the family overnight. Sadly, her daughters first mother was deceased but we found the extended family. The deceased mom had left a box of letters, items and gifts for her child should she ever find the family.
  • Cady – Cady, an adoptee, posted her information on adoption.com and she later found me via my site. We started dialogue and eventually Cady stopped corresponding. She was a high school student then.  Over a year later, Betty joins my yahoogroup and I learn that her daughter is Cady that I spoke to a year earlier. She and Cady connected through adotion.com reunion registry.
  • Mina – When Mina’s adoptive parents picked her up from the agency, they discovered that Mina’s hospital tag (listing her mothers full name) was left on her. Mina’s family kept this for her. When Mina searched, again, her adoptive parents had the full first and last name and age of her mother.

Through all of these cases and more I have amassed an enormous amount of data related to this network of agencies. Each new member, each new case, provides additional detail that helps us find yet another mama or child.  While my group likes to say I do the work, I don’t. We all do. By sharing our stories, our information, our love, our faith, our jokes, we help each other. 

I am so lucky to be part of them.

7 Thoughts.

  1. When we adopted our DD, the card from her isolette at the hospital was put in with her things. Her mother’s name was on that. At the clerk’s counter, when we signed some papers after the adoption ceremony, I was able to read her father’s name. I felt like I was doing something illegal to look at that information, but I knew that some day, our DD would want to know it.
    What is Ameridex? My son-in-law is adopted, and while he isn’t looking for his first parents right now, I like to keep track of potential sources of information. Thanks.

  2. Suz, You know until I saw those numbers I didn’t realize just how many people we have “found” It is amazing the things that happen that lead us to where we need to go. But, I still hold fast to the notion that you are an Angel sent by God to help those of us hurt by Kurtz and his agencies. Without you I would never have know J was looking and it certainly would not have been as easy for us to conenct. I love you lady more than you know.

  3. I’d like to contact you via email, but I cannot find an address. where can I email you?

  4. Jessica – i emailed you. sorry for the difficulty. removed my email after some layout changes, forgot to put it back! will do. thanks.

  5. Hi Suz:
    Did you ever get back to me about our conversaation? I didnt see any e mail about it, or maybe I accidently deleted it.

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