When I Die

Driving back from Narragansett, Rhode Island, I had 1.5 hours to ponder the wedding hubby and I attended on Friday, the family we reconnected with and the crazy loon of an innkeeper that we met at the bed and breakfast we stayed at (said innkeeper was listed on Trip Advisor as “aggressively friendly”). For some strange reason, as we approached Voluntown, CT I began to ponder death.

I do this now and then.  No particular reason.  Most times the thought is connected with a conversation, like the one I had with Cousin Brian over the weekend. We discussed our fathers’ deaths or the one I had with Cousin Elaine where she reflected on her deceased mothers name in the wedding program. There was no such prompt as we drove through the sleepy eastern Connecticut town.  My husband was quietly driving and me looking out the windows admiring old New England architecture sprinkled with bursts of hydrangea or tiger lily…and death.

I thought of my death as it relates  to my daughter. Specifically, I found myself wondering if any of my family would tell her if/when I die and if she would even want to know? (I should state I am absolutely fine but we never know when things may change). Would I want her to be told?

I suppose I should give formal instructions to someone (likely my husband…but what if he dies with me or before me?) of what to do in relation to her in the event I die before we have ever re-met.

Most of my friends are reunited but not in reunion so I ask you, have you pondered this? Have you given explicit instructions to a family member or friend to tell your surrendered child about your death?

If you are an adoptee (particularly one in a non-reunion) would you want to know this? How would you want to be told?

I am feeling like I should tell a few people and also give them the way to contact her (email, full name or something like that).

Clearly I thought about this years ago but still I have not taken any formal action.  Read old post on this topic.