I am woefully behind on a personal review of Lorraine Dusky new book Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption. I would love to say this delay was due to an overabundance of work, winning the lottery and running off to Turks and Cacos or even lounging at the side of my in ground pool catching rays for days. It is none of the aforementioned. It is something entirely different (see below).
I can offer that I thought the book was incredibly well written, painfully moving and superbly architected. By this I mean that Dusky was brilliant in her decision to root her personal experience in the landscape of adoption. Just as you get to a point where you might doubt something, Lorraine provides factual citations or inserts documentation detailing the “fault lines of adoption”. I internally stood up and clapped at these parts of the book. I have thought of a similar approach to my own memoir as it relates to the Kurtz Network of Baby Brokers.
I struggle with offering more than the above at this time. While I generally rave about adoption books, memoirs (see the Books category in this blog), this book has stopped me in my tracks. I feel as if I am trudging through deep emotional mud to get to the other side of a review. Candidly, every time I go to write about this in depth, I write angry words. I want to fling that emotional mud I am walking through. This book surfaced my anger. While I do not run from anger I do not want to project it on to Lorraines’ book.
I have been pondering why this book has made me angry. I have concluded, for now, that Lorraine’s story hit closer to home than most. Lorraine’s family background (Polish, Irish, middle class, Catholic) is nearly identical to mine. Lorraine’s push-pull relationships with the men in her life strongly resembles my relationship with my daughters father and other men I dated (or married) post surrender. Lorraine’s desire to work her way through college, to be a career woman, a writer, could have been written by me. When she writes about Patrick, I visually saw my own uncles (one named Patrick) who were gregarious, NYC, Irish men (with a taste for the drink).
In a word we all can relate to, this book was “triggering” for me. As I have written many times here in the ten plus years of this blog, just when I think I am good, golden, peachy with my adoption and non-reunion situation, something sets me off kilter. I walk on sea legs for a few weeks.
I encourage all to read it. I applaud Lorraine for writing it. When I am recovered a bit more, I will share more thoughts. My lack of commentary should not be a reflection of the book, rather of my tender state – almost thirty years post surrender. It is THAT good and THAT well written.
You can get the book on Amazon. Indivudals banned from Amazon (like me) will be happy to know you can get it on Barnes and Noble too! Read about it at The Sag Harbor News. Visit Lorraine author page on Facebook.